I’ve been living in Upstate New York for 10 years now, and although I’ve been to Atlantic City before, I’ve never explored the shoreline. In fact, I’ve always had a very poor opinion of New Jersey, since my first experience there was finding myself in Elizabeth and Newark. I realize this makes me sound a little bit ignorant, but my opinion was surely reversed after this weekend.

First we drove way down south to Cape May. I LOVED CAPE MAY! It’s fantastically beautiful and laid back and relaxing. I would love to stay there sometime during the summer and use the beaches. We passed about 6 couples getting married on the beach there….just perfect!  I had the most delicious Manhattan Clam Chowder I’ve ever had!

Beautiful Victorian houses all throughout the town. So much to see and admire!

This is the Inn of Cape May. We randomly chose this spot for lunch. The dining room overlooks the ocean, and they had the best Manhattan Clam Chowder! Yum!

After we were done exploring Cape May, we drove slowly up the coast and stopped to look at all the cute towns. We stopped in Wildwoods, which has a huge boardwalk with lots of carnival rides, tshirt shops, etc. A fun place for kids and a fun place to visit (but I personally wouldn’t want to stay there).

They deep fry EVERYTHING there! Every 2 feet you ran into a little shop that will deep fry anything you can think of. I had never had a deep fried Oreo, and hubby loves Oreos so we had to give that a try…

MEH.  Disappointing.  Maybe a triple-stuffed oreo would be good, but I just found it lacking in flavor overall. Very dry. Fun to try, but I definitely won’t be doing that again.

We stayed the night at Bally’s in Atlantic City.  We got an upgrade to our room since they screwed up our reservation, and our room was very spacious. The best part by far was the use of the pool facilities ($10 per room, per day). Sunday we spent all morning swimming, sitting in the hot tub, using the saunas, etc. It was fantastic!

Dinner on Saturday was at Rainforest Cafe. I got fish tacos, but for some reason my gastric band wouldn’t allow me to keep a single bite down. It’s frustrating to waste money like that.

Lunch on Sunday we found a real gem — the Red Square, a Russian restaurant. It has walls (well, columns) made of ice! They have a bajillion types of vodkas, and a freezer where you can put on a bunch of russian furs and wrap up and go into the freezer to do a shot of your choice of vodka. Very swanky and fun! I ordered the shrimp cocktail, and it was divine! HUGE shrimps and a delicious mango salsa. So yummy. The Caesar salad was amazing too. Yummy all around.

I drank my face off, got lots of walking in (and climbing on rocks on the beach), gambled a little (and came home with money in my wallet!) and had a brilliant time!

Happy Anniversary Honey!

Weight-wise, I’m hanging in there constantly at 130 pounds. I shouldn’t be annoyed at that, but to be honest I’d be a lot more happy at 125.  All my clothes fit, but I feel like my body shape is kind of changing somehow. My butt and legs just feel bigger to me, and I feel like my pants are tighter in those areas. It could very well be all in my head, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m gaining weight. I get really panicky about it, but when I step on the scale it’s still within the maintenance zone. I’m finding it hard to rectify how I feel and the number on the scale. Since I know I have disordered eating issues and self-perception problems, it’s safer to rely on the number on the scale rather than how I feel, but it’s hard to ignore the feelings entirely.

Here are some pictures. Please note that I think my belly button ring is infected. It’s a little red, and it hurts pretty solidly when I bend over and whatnot. I believe this is affecting my band even more than normal.

The main difference is that my band is HELLA TIGHT since getting pierced. This is because the band is absorptive, and I’m most likely retaining water due to a small infection in the band. (Read more about the band being absorptive here.)  I can barely keep any food down…been barfing up nearly every meal I try to eat. Fortunately I can still sip liquids, so I’m holding out on getting an un-fill to see if this will pass.

The second way the piercing affects the band is because the piercing is located very close to my gastric banding port! I’m fortunate that my piercer didn’t actually puncture the port hose or anything like that (note to you: if you’re going to get a piercing, you may want to mention the port and hose to your piercer so you don’t get punctured!) but I realize now that it could have happened pretty easily. The hose comes very close to my belly button, and so when I bend over or move in a certain way, I can feel the hose rub against the piercing. No bueno, and I may have to lose the piercing because of it. I need to talk to my doctor about it.

Of course, none of this means that YOU will be so affected by your belly button ring, but you may want to give it another thought before rewarding yourself for your weight loss, like me!

Here are some pictures. I know, my belly is hideous, especially with those stretch marks. I don’t intend on SHOWING OFF the belly button ring–I got it more for myself, so I know it’s there, as a reward for losing 100 pounds. That being said, you can see a few things from this picture (ignore the stretch marks, please!):

• You can see my stomach area since my port re-attachment surgery. You can see a little bump off to the side of my tummy where the port is, but it’s not TOO noticeable.
• Surgery scars: you can see two or three of my surgery scars on my tummy. These don’t bother me at all, but they are there.

In other news, I’m finally getting some exercise again, now that the weather is turning warmer. This weekend I went hiking in the Berkshires. It’s a path that I’ve done before, and I previously deemed the trail to be “easy” but this time I declared it to be “moderate.” In fact, the hike kicked my ass and I was sore for a day afterwards! OY! Must exercise more!!

Post-surgery follow-up

I received a comment from my blog a few weeks ago mentioning that I never updated how my port-reattachment surgery went.  Well, it went very well! My healing time was much quicker than the original banding surgery.  Within a week I was feeling as good as new.  They used previous incision areas to access the port, so I don’t have any more scars than I had before. The port is still attached, 8 months later, with no problems to report.  Can you see the port through the skin? Not really. I have some droopy stomach skin from the weight loss, so that pretty much obscures the port. That being said, you can feel it really easily through the skin, even through the clothes. I hardly notice it anymore; you just get used to it. Overall, I’m pleased with my decision to re-attach the port in the same place. (And, for the record, my surgeon over at Ellis Bariatric once again did a fabulous job!)

Weight & More NSVs!

My weight is fluctuating a little bit more than I would like; today I was at 131.0, which is six pounds above my “goal weight” and just barely outside of my “maintenance range.”  Now that it’s getting warmer I will exercise more, which will help. My eating still fluctuates between crappy eating and healthy eating.

My goal FOREVER has been that if I reached my goal weight, I would get a navel (belly button) ring. When I reached my goal weight, I didn’t get the navel ring because I was self-conscious about the saggy skin. Well, I finally did it! I got the navel ring! Sure, I still have the saggy skin and it’s not like I’m going to be walking around with a crop top or anything like that.  But *I* know it’s there, and it’s a wonderful, constant reminder of what I achieved. Hooray!

Another NSV: As I’m getting more confident in my own skin, I’m meeting more people, making more friends, and getting hit on a lot more. I get hit on regularly these days, and it’s such a great ego boost! The other day I was out dancing with some girlfriends and some (quasi-creepy) dude bought our drinks all night long just for the chance to chat with me! What a compliment! Believe me, this stuff does not happen at all when you’re overweight.

Another NSV: I got my first tattoo!! I never would have considered it 3 years ago, when I was at my heaviest or with the low self esteem that I was suffering from. I don’t consider a tattoo in any way related to my weight loss per se, but it’s another confidence-builder and a reminder of how far I’ve come mentally and emotionally in the last three years! I am not really a fan of tattoos. Oh, I mean, I like them on other people, but I’ve never really cared to get one for myself. However, I really liked the idea of getting one at this time because it’s a reminder to myself to Stop Taking Myself So Fucking Seriously All The Time. It’s just skin. It’s just a tattoo. Life will not come to a crashing halt if you get one. I haven’t been fired from my job. And you know what? I rather like it, actually!

A weight loss challenge???

I signed up for a motorcycle rider class. I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle, and so I decided to take the plunge and get my license! The class is over Memorial Day Weekend. During that time I will get to actually sit on a motorcycle and ride it around and determine whether I am comfortable on a bike or, more importantly, whether I am strong enough to be able to ride it. I’m worried that, having lost so much weight, that the bike will overpower me and I will not be able to hold it up or maneuver it properly. A strange weight-loss challenge!! (Which will be answered in May.)  I can’t wait though! Another dream on my life’s “Bucket List” that I can check off!

Counseling

I’ve started to see a counselor recently. The jury is still out whether it’ll be helpful to me in the long-term or not, but he’s an interesting guy, and I’m interested in his “process,” so I’m sticking with it. I have all kinds of things that I want to work with him about, and among those topics are my distorted relationship with food (who knew? Fucked up food relationships don’t just disappear after surgery. Gasp!), my ongoing struggles with body image and self esteem, and also friendship and relationship changes since losing 100 pounds.

If you are going to be going through any life-changing weight loss surgery Dear Reader, I really encourage you to sign up with a counselor to discuss these topics in an ongoing manner, rather than waiting for any of them to become “issues.”  I am more and more convinced that they are common topics that most weight-loss surgery patients go through, and dealing with it from the onset of the surgery, rather than later.  Surgery and counseling really should go hand-in-hand. (Just my opinion.)

Again, I don’t know that I’ve seen any “results” or have “solved all my problems,” but it’s been helpful to at least attempt to articulate with some of these problems are and to begin problem-solve with an impartial bystander.

P.S. Today is my birthday, and I’m hoping to celebrate by spending time with friends and loved ones rather than with cake, food, and other unhealthy things. HOORAY!

However, I can feel the weight creeping up right now. I’m at about 8 pounds higher than my Goal Weight. Although I have actually kicked up my exercise a little bit (which isn’t really saying a lot…I was doing NOTHING before…now I’m squeezing in 2 days a week worth of exercise) I have noticed that my portion sizes are getting bigger and bigger. I’m hungry all the time. I’m eating too much. And I’m not feeling the restriction that my band gives me when it’s just right.

I’m going to give myself 2 weeks to try to get this under control on my own. That is to say, I’m going to crack down on my portion sizes, cut out the sweets that keep creeping into my diet, and eat 6 small mini-meals a day. When I was actively and successfully losing weight, my diet consisted of something like this:

8 a.m. Yogurt & coffee (150 calories worth approx.)
10 a.m.: cheese & crackers (150 calories worth approx.)
Noon: canned soup (150 calories worth approx.)
2 p.m.: fresh fruit  (100 calories worth approx.)
4 p.m.: Almonds (100 cals worth), skim milk
6 p.m.: 3 oz of meat (chicken, fish, or steak) with some fresh veggies (150 calories worth approx.)
8 p.m.: 100 calories worth of chocolate for a treat.

That’s what worked for me in the past, so that’s what I’m going to try to stick to this time. 2 weeks…and if it’s not working for me, then I’ll schedule a little fill with my bariatric surgeon.

I know that the gastric band leaks very very very slowly over time, so it’s not unusual to find it more “roomy” as time goes on. Lots of gastric banders get fills once a year or so to keep it tweaked just right. I don’t mind that, but I also don’t want to rely 100% in the band and get lazy with my food. I realize that I need to put out some effort into this as well. Now is that time! Rawr!

You need a plateau buster!  Here are a few plateau-busting tips that will get you into your skinny jeans by summertime!:

1. Incorporate high intensity interval training. Read more about that here.
2. Drink more water. (And no, caffeinated beverages don’t count!)
3. Be sure that you are eating protein at each meal. Looks for choices like egg whites, turkey meat, and whey protein.
4. Trade your starchy carbs in for veggies.  Replace your servings of bread, rice, pasta, and potato in for dark green veggies.
5. Pump some iron! Lifting weights builds muscle, and muscle burns fat more efficiently. So build your muscles up!
6. Double-check your portion sizes. Maybe you’ve stalled out because your portions are getting bigger. Remember to measure and weigh everything you eat! You may want to consider  recording all your food intake. I personally find this very helpful.
7. Mix it up. If it’s not working for you, change it up. Switch up your exercise program and your food regiment. Sometimes your body just needs a kick in the butt when you change life on it.
8. Get more sleep!
9. Try “calorie cycling.”  Let’s say your average calorie intake is 1200 calories. Try consuming 1000 calories one day, 1200 the next, and 1400 the third day, then repeat the cycle.
10. Eat slower. You might find you eat a lot less if you just slow down a bit.
11. Recharge your motivation. Write down all the reasons why you want to lose weight, buy yourself a dream pair of pants to wear, take photos of yourself, measure yourself, etc. Do whatever you need to do to reinvigorate your commitment to lose weight!

• 1 can of red/pink beans (360 calories)
• 1/2 an onion (23 calories)
• I used ham stock, but you can use chicken or beef stock, maybe 1 can or so? (60)
• Garlic, maybe 2 cloves worth (9 calories)
• 3 plum tomatoes, diced (33 calories)
• Random spices: 2 packets of Sazon Seasoning, cilantro, pepper, chili powder, basil
• 2 dashes of lime juice

Combine everything in a pan on the stove. Top with some light sour cream (136).

The whole thing is 621calories, and I ate about 1/3 of it, for just over 200 calories. Delicious!

Did everyone have fun watching the superbowl? We had about 15 friends come over to watch the game, and everyone brought food to share. I skipped all the cheesy/beany/sour creamy dips, chips, pizza, wings and instead had a few fresh veggie slices, a little bit of my homemade soup, and a cupcake. My weight is up today, no doubt due to the salt in the Sazon seasoning…it’ll go back down soon, I’m sure!

Yes I’m okay! And I’ve just been AWOL…haven’t posted for a few reason. (1) I’ve been busy, and (2) I feel like I don’t have much to add about the whole weight loss/gastric banding discussion at this point. That’s not to say that Maintenance Mode doesn’t have its challenges–it challenges me every day!–but I feel a bit redundant saying the same thing all the time on here. I’ll try to write more often though and come up with something clever to write about.

Here is a quickie little update on what’s been shaking in my world…

Weight/Food

My weight is holding steady in my maintenance range…128. (My range is 125-130).  Clothing is still fitting just fine at Size 4. My band the last few weeks has felt a little bit looser, which is a Catch 22.  On one hand I can eat healthier foods with more ease (salads, veggies), but on the other hand I can overeat easier as well. I notice that as my band get looser, I gravitate towards carbs more than I otherwise wood. This weekend I had a dish with rice, and dammit I ate all the rice! It was totally subconscious too. Some habits will never be broken, I think.

A few weeks ago I had some dentistry work done on me. I had a baby tooth pulled, a root canal, my jaw packed with bone dusty stuff to regrow my jawbone, etc.  When the doc got in there, he discovered the void under my tooth was much larger than he anticipated, so he had to cut my lip and cheek to get to everything. The procedure was more than 3 hours, 10 shots of novacaine…I passed out when I stood up and went to go pay…it was quite a process!

Consequently, I’ve been eating more mushy foods than normal–apple sauce, oatmeal, more soups, etc.  I can start to eat chewier food (meat) now, but every now and then something pokes me in the owie area and it’s…ahem…a bit startling in not quite a pleasant way. I hate dental work!

Mental Health

My mental health is FINALLY  much better. I was really teetering on the edge for a few weeks there. I was quite worried about myself. I met with my GP though, and we switched medicine, and it’s fantastic. I feel human again. I don’t feel like jumping off a bridge the minute I wake up. Relief!

I had started to see a counselor, but then work got a bit crazy and I had to cancel an appointment, and then I had the dentist work done and had to cancel my 2nd appointment with the counselor guy. I have an appointment today, and I still don’t really know what to expect or hope to get out of this.

Exercise

My exercise is not as good as I hope it would be, but it’s getting better. I signed up for a yoga class, and OH! How I miss Yoga!!!  SO MUCH!!  I have been really sore after the yoga class, which is simultaneously an indication that it’s a good workout for me as well as an indication of how out of shape I am! I will be getting some snowshoeing in this weekend as well.

Work

Work has been very busy, but it’s been really good. I’m finally getting a LOT of positive feedback. And I got a raise. So all things are good there!

Fun

So much fun stuff, so little time. I’ve been busy with: (1) New years eve party; (2) concerts; (3) volunteering with the Future City competition (4) yoga; (5) girl’s night-in parties; (6) pub trivia; (7) ski trip weekend to New Hampshire; (8) playing online poker, etc.

(at Chutters, home of the world’s longest candy counter! Egads, it’s food porn!!)

I’m starting 2012 off at 127.0 pounds, which is right in my maintenance zone.

So far I’ve done fantastically eating healthy foods. I’ve opted for salads three times instead of soup or appetizers or whatnot. This won’t always be so easy; salads can be tough for me when my band is extra restrictive. But…so far so good.

I have been busy today planning out my schedule. I am trying to fit in more exercise time into 2012. I signed up for a yoga class today (Tuesdays) and plan to do volleyball on Thursdays.

I haven’t really set any 2012 goals for myself, but if I did they would probably involve eating healthier, exercising more, and continue breaking the nail biting habit (which I think I’m in the process of beating, FINALLY!).

I hope you all have a great 2012!

First of all, I found out this morning that my 2nd cousin was killed in a car crash yesterday. She was only 21, and had just gotten married about 5-or-so weeks ago.  My parents cancelled our usual Christmas in Illinois so they could spend some time with our Texas family. It sounds like instead of celebrating the holidays, they will be attending memorial services instead. It’s a terrible tragedy, and my heart goes out to my wonderful, beautiful family in Texas. Here’s a picture of my 2nd cousin and her daddy just a few short weeks ago, on the big wedding day. Isn’t she absolutely beautiful???

On Monday I had my first appointment with the counselor. It was just an overview session, a get-to-know-ya kind of thing. I think he was a little surprised that I have, as he said, “So many things going on in your life right now.” But I feel pretty good about the guy, and he thinks he can help me. He wants to see me two times a week for a while, so I have my 2nd appointment this afternoon.

Afterwards I talked to my mom. They had opened their Christmas presents at my cousin’s house, so she was calling to say thank you. It was actually a nice conversation. I’m glad that they are with the family down south and spending some quality time with that side of the family.

Monday I kind of wiped out my Facebook and deleted all my old posts, deleted some people that I either never speak to or don’t really want to know what’s going on in my life, etc. I’m not sure why I got a little spazzy about Facebook. When I’m depressed, I want to isolate myself and cut off all contact from the world. I think that’s what I was doing.

Tuesday we had pub trivia. We won at the end of trivia, but we didn’t collect our prize (a gift certificate to use next week) because I don’t want to go back again, so we wouldn’t use it.  Without going into too many details, going to that pub trivia makes me feel bad about myself, so we’re going to find a new bar and new trivia to check out in 2012.

Wednesday my co-worker and I met a client for lunch, which turned into a 7 hour lunch, and we were all drunk as skunks by the time we left. My co-worker shouldn’t have driven. I think we all shared a little bit too much about what’s going on in our lives and in our heads, and now we’re all acting stupid towards each other. Ugh.

Yesterday I had my appointment with my GP to discuss my depression. God, I love my doctor.  I didn’t have to try to defend myself, justify how I’m feeling, try to convince her that I’m not making shit up, etc. I just said, “Hey, I’m feeling depressed and my current meds aren’t working. I need some help.”  So I’m going to take some blood tests today to check my thryoid levels and vitamin levels and whatnot, and then she switched my meds to another type of anti-depressant, which I’ll pick up and start trying this weekend. I sure hope the new meds help!

Yesterday evening my hubby had his company holiday Christmas party. They gave the guys those remote controlled helicopters, so there were like 8 of those things flying around the restaurant, flying into our hair and landing in the food, etc. It was a very strange little gathering. I was extremely tired, I ate way too much food, and I felt socially incredibly awkward and self-conscious.

But the important part is that I’ve survived the week. One day at a time.

Today I’m at 129.0, a little on the high end of my maintenance range. But I’m no doubt bloated from PMS, too much food yesterday, etc.

My 1 year anniversary passed by with no recognition or celebrating. While I am proud of my accomplishments, they seem bittersweet at the moment, especially because I’m learning that I’ve lost more than mere weight over the past 3 years.

Today I have my first appointment with a counselor. I’m anxious about the appointment and cannot concentrate on my work today. But, I’m also excited about the appointment, and I am feeling optimistic that maybe this guy can help me sort through my multitude if issues swimming through my head and heart at the moment. I’ve been to counselors in the past and have had zero luck with them, so I’m not holding my breath. Still, I’m hopeful. I’ll tell you what, something has got to give with me at right now.

I was reading online about what to expect with your first counseling session, and most articles say that you should come to the appointment with a solid understanding of what your problems are and what goals you hope to achieve. Well, while I can pinpoint some larger problems and long-term  goals, I haven’t got the slightest idea what my problem is right now. But I can say that I would sure love to pull myself out of this depression and be able to be happy in general, focused at work, and able to develop healthy and rewarding relationships with people in my life.  Lofty goals, I know.

Wish me luck.

In the meantime, here’s a few tips for trying to avoid packing on the pounds over the next two weeks:

1. DO remember to wear tight fitting clothes.

That’s right, even to the office party. Choose a fitted dress or pencil skirt with a snug sweater. Wearing body conscious clothes will serve as a reminder that you can’t overeat. Shift dresses can be paired with a wide belt notched one size smaller than usual for a more tapered look. Guys, you don’t get a free pass here.

2. DO delay gratification and wait at least 20 minutes before eating at an event.

Make at least one full lap around a party before starting in on the appetizers. Think about it: It’s rude not to greet people when you walk in, and how are you going to do that with a mouth full of food or hands compromised with a beverage and a canapés?

3. DO keep your hands to yourself at all times.

Keeping a drink in one hand and a cocktail napkin in the other will make it difficult for you to keep reaching for those mini quiches we all know and love.

4. DO ruin your appetite.

We won’t tell your mother. It’s far better to go to a party on a half-empty stomach than an empty one. By eating a pre-party snack you have the opportunity to make a sober food decision based on your preferences and not based solely on what’s offered at the party. Consider it nutrition pre-gaming. (Added note from me: Make sure your pre-party snack is healthy! Eat a big handful of carrots!)

5. DO start now.

If you had even a one-fourth pound weight loss for every time you said “Oh, I’ll start tomorrow,” you’d be a skeleton. Waiting for a New Year’s resolution is just delaying your goal by that many more days. It may not be feasible to lose weight during December, but there’s certainly no reason why you need to gain weight. There will never be a perfect time to eat right — you have jump right in and start with your next meal!

(stolen online from here.)