Still searching for the right balance

by Christine on April 28th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

It’s been a weird week for me.  I’m going through some emotional crap (most of which I bring on myself, I think), I’m swamped at work and trying to keep myself carefully on schedule, I’ve got a boatload of things to do at home after our vacation, etc. It seems like I’m stressing about everything, all the time. I wonder sometimes if I should consider anti-anxiety medication because it’s really hard for me to take a step back, breathe, and take daily life one stride at a time. I feel compulsive about planning ahead, anticipating the worst, making everything just as perfect/smooth/easy as can be, etc. I seem to be getting worse about this compulsion as time goes by.

In the end, I’m just trying to achieve balance in my life. That’s my New Years Resolution, after all. Balance between work and play, balance in love, balance with money, and certainly balance with my weight.

Weight maintenance is not easy, let me tell you that! I’m still hanging in steady at 127.0 (my “goal” weight is 125) almost five months after reaching my goal weight. That’s a steady two-pounds-higher than my goal. Not bad…still within range…but every day I get up, stand on the scale, and feel my skin crawl with dread, worrying that the numbers will go up-up-up.

My eating choices are not really the best, and I know that. I have one day when I eat like crap (lots of bread, chocolate, alcohol) and then I’ll have two days where I eat well (healthy protein, salad, less carbs). I know my portion sizes are okay, and I suppose that’s what’s keeping me within my weight range.  However, I fret constantly about my food choices and how that affects my weight.

Why is it so damn hard to cut out the crappy foods? I mean, I know that breads, chocolate, and alcohol are not smart to eat every day, so why do I continue to set myself up for that? I set ground rules for myself, saying that I’m not going to eat them at all. Or I might say I’ll allow myself to eat them twice a week.  But no; even small concessions are not enough!  My body wants to have these bad foods all the time. Where is my self-control? Why can’t reason and rational thought win the war against crappy food? What is it about ourselves that set us up for sabotage?

I suppose two things might help with my issues (the food issues and the stressing out problem I have): a keen sense of self-awareness and just taking everything one day and one moment at a time.  I think that will help to “center” me a little bit—ground me, so to speak–and help me try to find some of that balance that I’m seeking in my life.

How do you find balance in your life?

How do you overcome stressful thoughts and constant anxiety?

How do you maintain a healthy weight without becoming overwrought with worry over it?

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