Emily has lost a pound! Bathing suit trials, and a heart attack.

by Christine on April 14th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

Emily has lost a pound! Hooray! Congrats to you Emily!! Keep up the good work! (And thank you for the shout out!)

I’ve been going through bathing suit trials and tribulations as I prepare for my vacation in warmer weather.  I have a one-piece bathing suit that I bought last year (Size 8) that is very cute. But I’m, what, 30 pounds thinner this year. And…I thought...is this the year that I can finally wear a two-piece swimsuit? For the first time in my life?

I bought a two-piece swimsuit (gasp! A bikini with boyshort bottoms. Very cute.) but sadly I don’t think I can pull it off. It’s mostly okay, but with my dislocated port and loose skin in my belly area, my husband thinks that the swimsuit is a “no go.”  Bummer.

So it looks like I’ll be sticking with a one-piece bathing suit. Some things are just outside of our control, I guess.

And speaking out out of our control, I got a call last night that my father had a heart attack. He had 99% percent blockage in one of his three main arteries going to his heart. Getting timely information from my family, as well as honest-truthful information about what is going on is impossible. I’m feeling worried, scared, anxious, frustrated, and angry. However, my mother made it very clear to me that I have no right to be feeling any of the emotions that I’m feeling. This is a common theme in my relationship with my family, especially my mother. As I was hitting up Paneras immediately after the phonecall to shovel food into my face, I had an ENLIGHTENING MOMENT with regards to my weight issues.

My feelings, all of my life, have been constantly being repressed, pushed aside, and deemed not important.  The problem with that (other than being intrinsically cruel and unfair) is that I have no means by which to express my emotions. It’s not just that my family doesn’t say, “I acknowledge your feelings but I disagree with them” but it goes further into “how dare you! you have no right to feel the way you do.”

These bottled up emotions have no place to go, and then I get all betwixed thinking that there’s something wrong with me, and I should be feeling differently than I really do. I’ve known that I binge on food when I’m emotional; I always thought that binging on food was a comforting figure for me–kind of like the mother I never had to comfort me when I’m feeling emotional. But that’s not it, not exactly. I use food as a means of expression. The hurt, pain, frustration, anger, fear…those feelings get bottled up inside me with no place to go, so I eat in order to express myself through food.

It’s a small difference, but a significant one.

I could rant and rave at this point…give a bunch of examples of what I’m talking about, but I think this isn’t the time or place for it. Right now I’m happy that my dad is okay and healing up after his surgery, but I’m feeling bottled up and trapped, especially with this vacation looming…two days before we leave. I need to put on my “happy!! let’s go on vacation!!” face and not be a total downer, so it’s repress, repress, repress for me.

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Exercise! And P90X.

by Christine on April 11th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Exercise

Okay, so I am the first to admit it: I’ve been a total slacker when it comes to my exercise. Since my half-marathon in December I kind of called it quits on the exercise and got lazier than heck.

I still am not exercising as much as I should, but with the weather getting nicer, I’m already doing a lot more activity.  This weekend I did a P90X video with my hubby. This morning I actually dragged my sorry butt out of bed and went jogging.  If the weather holds up (aka: it doesn’t rain) I’ll go rollerblading at lunchtime.

It’s me! Working out in my living room. Ha ha, too bad the picture is of me holding “baby weights.” I need to increase my weights, badly!

Hubby has lost a lot of inches since starting p90X! It’s done wonders for him. He’s frustrated that the scale hasn’t moved, but it must all be turning to muscle; I can definitely see a change in his physique. Go honey go!

For those unfamiliar with P90X, it’s a workout video that takes 90 days to complete.  The workout emphasizes plyometrics, which I have always said is the best for fat-blasting and cardiovascular health (read that old post here). It also incorporates strength training and stretching (yoga) and core workouts (situps).  (read my old legs strength training routine here)  I’m going to be hurting tomorrow after the arm workout yesterday. I can’t wait! DOMS is something I love and seek out!

I have a vacation coming up really soon, and it’s important to me that I pack my gym clothes and I use the fitness facility at least twice while I’m gone. Oh, I’ll get lots of exercise in without the gym: swimming, walking, hiking, etc., but I want to ensure that I really get the powerful workout that I need.

It’s springtime, y’all! It’s time to step it up and get some workouts in!

In other news, I finally took a little time this weekend to relax and get some work done around the house. The lawn desperately needs to be attended to, but I broke down and hired lawn care people to do a one-time cleaning while we’re on vacation. Friday I came home after work and read a while and fell asleep early. Saturday I went shopping for some vacation essentials (aka: a bathing suit) and then scrubbed my porch floor…I mean, down on my hands and knees scrubbing! I spent the rest of Saturday playing board games with friends. Sunday was my big cleaning day.  I mucked out the garage and threw a bunch of crap away. I threw a bunch of stuff away in my kitchen too. I sorted out my bills, did 6 loads of laundry, cleaned my coat closet (threw a bunch of stuff away then too), and other spring cleaning. It felt great to throw away a lot of stuff!

I also went through some of my clothing bins and pulled out some cute clothes in larger sizes to give away to a few friends of mine. It was surprisingly difficult to do that. Even though I’m wearing a size 2/4 these days, it is hard for me to part with my Size 12 and Size 14s. I was stuck in those sizes for so long that I worry I will return to those sizes again someday.  Now keep in mind that I have TEN tubs of clothing that is too big for me. I NEED to get rid of some of these clothes! It feels good to get rid of a few things, but I’m filled with anxiety over it, too.

Does anyone else have a hard time getting rid of their “big” clothes?

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Having a great time visiting my parents!!

by Christine on July 4th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates

I’m having a lovely time visiting my parents already!

I anticipated the drive to take 16 hours, but we actually made it in 13 hours. We drove the whole way….I did 11 hours of the driving, and felt great…I could have driven the whole thing. My hubby read a book or slept for most of the time. We stopped on the way for dinner, and I got a “chicken bacon wrap” at a healthy food store at the rest stop. The food was laughable! I only ate about 1/4 of the sandwich and a handful of grapes that I took with me.

Seeing my parents is great! They look the same, if not a wee bit older. After all, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen them. We arrived at a breathtakingly early 6 a.m. in the morning. My father was up, but my mom was asleep. Poor mom, I ruined her sleep by arriving so early!  We chatted all day.

It was nice to see the house I grew up in again. We put on our swim suits and swam for a few hours. I miss our swimming pool!

Dear god, I didn’t just post a pic of me in my bathing suit did I??? Yikes!

Food Yesterday: we stopped at a restaurant for breakfast in order to not show up at the house at 5 a.m.  I had 1 scrambled egg, 1 slice of bacon, about 2 oz of Orange Juice, and about 1/4 of a biscuit. Yum!  For a late lunch/early dinner my mom ordered pizza. My favorite pizza in the whole world, but unfortunately I can’t eat the dough.  I had 1 slice of pizza (had the cheese off it) and a side salad.  Not too bad. Then I had 1/2 a candy bar while playing a board game.

Oh! Did my parents notice my weight loss? Yes!  My father was the most enthusiastic about it, saying, “WOW!” to me a lot! My mom didn’t even mention it to me for at least two or three hours. I don’t take this personally — my mom has a lot on her brain and she spins around in circles mentally sometimes. So she might think something, but her brain is still thinking about politics, so it takes a while for all her thoughts to come spilling out to the surface. Oh, and boy, can my mom talk? And she has certainly gotten increasingly opinionated, prejudiced, and stubborn the older she gets.

And oh! The food in the house! It makes me laugh. While growing up my parents’ fridge was the talk of my friends’s families. The fridge was historic, man. It was jammed packed all the time. I had to take a pic to document this. Keep in mind….it’s only my mom and dad that live here. No kids. No relatives. But look how much food they keep in their fridge!!!

Today we woke up early and went for a bike ride. This was truly a historic moment for me. I have literally never, EVER done anything remotely “athletic” with my parents, not since I was a wee child (think 3rd grade or younger). My parents were always overweight, and preferred to spend their time watching tv.  This was literally the first time I’ve done anything physical with them. It was wonderful and glorious! The three-hour bike ride was lovely, through some really charming farm fields. Lots of corn! I had a really great time. It warms my heart so much to see my parents getting out there and getting exercise!

Oh! And the last thing…their scale is amazing. It said I was 139 pounds this morning! Of course I cannot adopt the number as “real life” but it sure looked good!

Food today so far: 1 fried fish sandwich minus the bun, with tartar sauce, 1 tomato slice, and some lettuce.  1.5 slice of cheese, with 3 crackers as a snack. For dinner tonight I have requested grilled steak on top of a homemade salad (my mom makes the BEST salad dressing on the planet.)  Yummers!

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