Pics – Look at that port!

by Christine on September 16th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Gastric Banding Surgery

135.0 pounds
5 foot 2 inches
24.7 BMI
Size 4 pants; size small top

Me, January 2008 (below) at maybe 200 pounds:

Part of me looks at the first pictures and says, “My goodness, what an improvement!”  I’ve lost 90 pounds. I’m thinner than I’ve ever been. I’m wearing clothes in a size smaller than I’ve ever been. When I look at the pictures I see my collarbones, my pointy chin, my shoulders sticking out, and all those things make me happy to see! I’m healthier, fitter than ever better. I FEEL great, and ultimately that’s what matters, right?

But the other part of me looks at those pictures and sees how much further I have to go. I have always said that I want to lose 100 pounds even, so that means I have 10 pounds left to lose. Will 10 pounds fix all the flaws that I see in those pictures? Nope. It probably won’t even get all that close.  I look at those pictures and see the lumps, bumps, that awful port site sticking out. I see the stretch marks, the sagging skin, the terribly fat lower belly (you’d think I had 4 kids but I’ve never had any!) I see all the areas I want to do plastic surgery on, and the worse spots aren’t even in the photos — the droopy boobs and the flabby legs. UGH.

Am I being completely vain? Do you hear me complain and think I’m a total bitch? Or do you look at the photos and go, “Ugh, yeah, I see what she means”??

I have no perspective at all.

I’m not 18 anymore, and I can’t expect my body to look like it. But can’t I expect better than…this?

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