Banders, are you prepared?

by Christine on August 10th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Gastric Banding Surgery

Okay I’ve got T-minus two hours until said telephone interview and my body is starting Project FreakTheFUCKOut. Oh, I play it calm and cool, and nobody in a ten mile radius would have any idea that I was suffering from anxiety, but I think this Texas-sized Hershey’s candy bar in my office that’s calling my name (“Christine! Yooo-hooo! You know I’m in here! Wanting to devour this tasty chocolately goodness!!”) is telling a different story. Anxious? Eat! Depressed? Eat! Bored? Eat! Oh yes, my body still reverts back to its old ways. But I’m stronger than my body! I shall chug water instead. Well, as much water as appropriate — I don’t want to have to use the loo while interviewing. “Oh yes, I’m well qualified for this position because, ahem (FLUSH) oh, pardon me! What was I saying?”

I digress.


I really don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I don’t want anything bad to happen to me, either. But you know, sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes you ate a ricecake a little too fast and you’re barfing in your diaperwizard in the car (yeah, I don’t know anything about that…eyeroll) and the next thing you know you’re gently slamming the front of your Honda Accord into a telephone pole or your neighbor’s garage or something. Whatever. Accidents happen.

If the ambulance comes to carry you away, how are the super hot Playgirl-style medical dudes with the bulging biceps and big brown puppy dog eyes going to know that you’ve got a band around your stomach? Or, for you Bypassers, that your innerds were sliced and diced and re-arranged?

You gotta let ’em know somehow that you’ve got some oddball wiring going on under your skin. Imagine if they tried to stick a tube down your throat and had to discover the HARD WAY that your tummy passage is blocked. Then that tube will rip your stomach lining, your band erodes through your stomach, and then you’ve got a hell of a lot more complications to deal with that whatever a gentle honda-nudging-the-neighbor’s-garage accident badness just happened. (No really. I don’t lay awake at night dreaming up this stuff.)

I fully intend on buying a medical bracelet and wearing it, well… some days. Most days? Days when I’m not dressing up with fancy clothes or what? Well, you get the picture anyway.You should keep some ID on your badazzed new body.

There’s a company called Lauren’s Hope that sells really CUTE medical ID bracelets and necklaces and stuff. Plus they donate to diabetes charities, so that’s always a plus.  Check them out. Get yourself some ID.  While you’re at it, get nice panties too because you know what your mum always said about being prepared for accidents.

(PSSST….if you link to their website on your blog and put their link your blogroll, they’ll send you a $50 gift certificate.)

Seriously, look at this cute stuff! This isn’t your crappy old Medical ID jewelry your grandma used to wear!

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