Pics – Look at that port!

by Christine on September 16th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Gastric Banding Surgery

135.0 pounds
5 foot 2 inches
24.7 BMI
Size 4 pants; size small top

Me, January 2008 (below) at maybe 200 pounds:

Part of me looks at the first pictures and says, “My goodness, what an improvement!”  I’ve lost 90 pounds. I’m thinner than I’ve ever been. I’m wearing clothes in a size smaller than I’ve ever been. When I look at the pictures I see my collarbones, my pointy chin, my shoulders sticking out, and all those things make me happy to see! I’m healthier, fitter than ever better. I FEEL great, and ultimately that’s what matters, right?

But the other part of me looks at those pictures and sees how much further I have to go. I have always said that I want to lose 100 pounds even, so that means I have 10 pounds left to lose. Will 10 pounds fix all the flaws that I see in those pictures? Nope. It probably won’t even get all that close.  I look at those pictures and see the lumps, bumps, that awful port site sticking out. I see the stretch marks, the sagging skin, the terribly fat lower belly (you’d think I had 4 kids but I’ve never had any!) I see all the areas I want to do plastic surgery on, and the worse spots aren’t even in the photos — the droopy boobs and the flabby legs. UGH.

Am I being completely vain? Do you hear me complain and think I’m a total bitch? Or do you look at the photos and go, “Ugh, yeah, I see what she means”??

I have no perspective at all.

I’m not 18 anymore, and I can’t expect my body to look like it. But can’t I expect better than…this?

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Tuna casserole with a twist

by Christine on September 9th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Diet, Food, Nutrition

Yesterday for dinner I wanted to eat something warm. I scrounged in my cupboard until I found a can of Cream of Mushroom soup. Looking on the back it had a recipe for a tuna fish casserole. I thought, sure, I’ll give it a try! I wanted to to (1) double the tuna and (2) use couscous instead of noodles (I can’t do noodles with the gastric band).

The dish turned out delicious, kind of pudding-like. You couldn’t even tell the couscous was in there, which was pretty awesome. To be honest, I preferred the dish with the couscous instead of egg noodles, plus couscous is so much healthier for you!  The whole dish turned out to be 555 calories for the whole pan, of 185 calories for a one-third portion. A great calorie value!

Calories Protein Carb
Tuna (1 sm. can) 72 15.9 0
Tuna (1 sm. can) 72 15.9 0
diced onion 13 0.3 3.2
diced tomato 6 0.3 1.4
1/2 can cream of mushroom soup 130 2.5 10.2
1/2 cup cous cous 132 4.5 27.3
just a sprinkle of bread crumbs 85 2.9 15.6
1/2 cup skim milk 45 4.4 6.1
TOTAL for the whole pan 555 46.7 63.8
Calories for 1/3 portion 185 15.6 21.3

It doesn’t look super pretty, but it was really tasty. I have lots of leftovers now, too. (You can see how much I ate…less than one third of the pan.)  I don’t cook very often, but when I do I like to experiment and venture off the given recipe. More often than not, I enjoy what I end up creating.

Last night I was scanning in some old photos and came across these great “before” pictures. They are from 199, somewhere just above 200 pounds.  I feel sad seeing these; I was living in London at the time, and I know I could have had a much better experience if I had been thinner. I made ZERO local friends while I was overseas. I have no doubt that my weight kept people from giving me the time of day, and I was so terribly shy that it probably didn’t help matters any. Instead I spent my time puttering around Europe on my own a lot, which gave me a tremendous sense of independence.

I don’t think I look 21 years old. I look like I’m 45. (I’m the 2nd person on the left, in case you couldn’t tell.)

Me, recently, in a similar suit. I know, it’s a silly picture. I was playing “James Bond.”

Traci from Traci’s Treasures gave me a blog award yesterday! Thank you Traci! I very much appreciate it and am honored that you thought of me!

And thank you all for your comments on yesterday’s post, “Starving.” It was interesting to see how many of you either had tried a similar fast to lose weight or those of who couldn’t even conceive of doing such a thing! It was all very interesting…thank you.

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