by Christine on October 31st, 2011
filed under Christine's Life Updates
Good morning Revolutionists! I hope you all had a great weekend!
Before I launch into my adventures over the weekend, I thought I’d share a little bit about the gastric band. I’m constantly surprised at how quickly it can change from “just right” to “too tight.” Almost all week I have been doing fine eating; few “stuck” episodes, could eat my normal fare of food. In fact, on Friday I even had 2 bites of a sandwich (a real sandwich! with bread!) and not only was it utterly divine, but it went down with no problems at all.
Then WHAMMO, Sunday happened and I was choking on a glass of milk. I could barely get a thing down. Go figure. Some days it’s good, and some days it’s a challenge. I don’t know what to expect today, but I almost always start my day off with some yogurt, so I can see how that goes…
But such is my everyday living with the band. Even with its challenges, I still think that the band is completely worth it. I would choose these difficulties any day versus the alternative–being overweight and the challenges that brings. Skinny is worth it, trust me.
This past week I went away to a conference for work. There I ran into my former boss. He had the gastric banding surgery a year before me, and he’s really what motivated me to get my own surgery done. (Also, it helped, knowing that our company health insurance plan would cover the costs!) My former boss was a really big guy…like 350 pounds perhaps, and he’s not particularly tall. I want to say he lost about 150 pounds with the gastric banding surgery.
Well, he’s gaining weight back, and it’s really noticeable. In fact, when we went out to dinner, I was watching him eat, and he was indulging in pastas, breads, and just his quantity of food was clearly more than he should be able to eat. When I spoke to him, his conversation completely centered around food…around the food his son’s restaurant serves, about food at a wedding he went to this past weekend, about a great new restaurant he and his wife found last week. Food food food. I felt really sad talking to him. I hope that I don’t gain weight back like he has.
Fortunately, I’m solidly in my weight-maintenance range, and have been for the past 10 months. This morning I weighed myself, as I do every morning. I was 127.0, right on target for me.
This weekend was full of festivities! On Friday night I went out drinking with a friend. Boy, I really needed to cut loose a bit. I drank beyond “moderation” (and ate too little–a bad calorie swap, really) but I was astonished at how little it took to get me drunk. 3 years ago I would have had 5 cosmos and a few mixed drinks before getting tipsy. Nowadays it takes me 3 beers. We bar-hopped around town (and I had a bite of his delicious sandwich, omg soooo good) and had a fun time getting out and about!
On Saturday our friend Art was celebrating his 40th birthday in style–he and his fiancee hosted a murder mystery party at Beardsley Castle. It was a fantastic time! It was a 1980′s high school reunion theme. We were given roles and scripts ahead of time, and I was supposed to play Cindy Crawfish (aka: Cindy Crawford), and I was told to dress sexy and flirt. Yikes! Sexy is out of my comfort zone. Librarian or nun, sure, I’ve got that covered, but sexy? I did my best, and I guess I did well because I won the award for best actress for the day! I had fun playing the sexkitten, and I threw a couple of our guy friends off their kilter, which was absolutely hilarious!
I even had one guy tell Art afterwards that he thought I was hot! That’s a compliment I sure don’t hear every day!
After the party (which was a lunch party) we went over to a friend’s house to chill out, and then in the evening I joined two girlfriends for karaoke.
Yesterday I visited with my in-laws, and I bought a new ski jacket! My old ski jacket was a size XL and no longer really kept me warm because too much air got inside the jacket. The new ski jacket is a size small! (Actually, the sweater I wore for the murder mystery party was a size EXTRA SMALL, from NY&Co!) Non-scale victories that feel awesome!!
Have a happy Halloween everyone!
by Christine on October 24th, 2011
filed under Christine's Life Updates
Sorry I’ve been a little AWOL. I’ve been feeling sick and under the weather, but I’m on the mend, I think. This weekend I bit the bullet and went to Urgent Care to get some antiobiotics, which I did, and now I’m feeling better. It was a mere sore throat/lost voice/cough, but I’ve also had some ear infection thing that start on my eye too, and I figure they are all connected somehow, maybe through the sinuses. So far I think the antibiotics are making a dent in it…
So this weekend was nothing but sleep, chicken noodle soup, and skim milk. Lots and lots of sleep.
It’s going to be a hella busy week for me this week. I hope I make it through it okay!
I hope you are all doing well! More updates soon!
by Christine on October 18th, 2011
Some of you may be long-time readers of my blog, and some of you may be newbies to my blog. So forgive me for re-capping before I dive into my latest launch.
I’m not I wasn’t your typical overweight woman. I didn’t overeat on a regular basis. In fact, I had a lot of control over food. I had a lot of willpower when I felt like exerting it. I had a remarkable ability to follow any diet to a T. I ate healthfully. I watched my calories. I exercised, sometimes normally and sometimes obsessively. The weight just didn’t come off though—in fact, just the opposite. The weight kept piling on. I turned to extreme measures and even went 70 days without eating a thing. (read about that here) Crazy, I know, but willpower just isn’t something that I was lacking.
However, I would still consider myself a binge eater. For me, it has so much to do with emotional issues. I didn’t necessarily have the easiest childhood, for reasons that I’m just not going to get into right now. A lot of those circumstances were entirely out of my control.
But a lot of my emotional issues are within my control. I am a headcase, people. I’m a bona fide nutter. Thank GOD people can’t read minds, because they’d institutionalize me in a heartbeat.
I think I can boil most of my self-induced emotional issues down to my outside relationships. I just don’t connect with people. I come across as cold. Aloof. Uncaring. A little weird. Scatterbrained. Self-righteous. Judgemental. I’ve learned that I have expectations of friends and family that are unrealistic and not normal. In fact, I’m a highly sensitive and emotional person, but I internalize everything. People hurt me. All the time. And so in return I oscillate from wanting to isolate myself from the entire world to wanting to jump into the world with both feet and win the world over. I try too hard. I care too much.
I’ve known all of this, of course. And it’s easy to see the correlation between needing to be loved and accepted, the feelings of rejection, and my relationship with food. When I feel hurt and spurned, THAT is when I reach for the bag of cookies. Actually, no, scratch that. I tend to yearn for Chef Boyardee and grilled cheese sandwiches. In massive quantities. And no matter how much I eat, it doesn’t calm the hurt inside of me. Of course, afterwards, I feel rotten, bloated, fat, and like a self-sabateur. Because I am. It can be a terribly self-defeating cycle.
And so, despite having a great ability to control my food and exercise 95% of the time, there will always be that 5% emotional eating that flares up and is outside of my control.
This weekend I had another episode, and ironically I didn’t even recognize it as an episode until today, three days later. It’s just that much a part of normal life for me, I suppose, that I don’t even see it for what it is. There was another situation where I felt rejected, unloved, unimportant. And sure enough, I opened a can of Chef Boyardee that I keep hidden in the way back of my pantry and heated it up.
The gastric band is a fantastic tool for a binge eater like me. There are just simply certain foods that I can’t eat with the band. And I simply cannot overeat with it. I started to wolf down 6 bites of Chef Boyardee (because eating slowly and feeling emotional just don’t go hand-in-hand), got stuck, barfed, and then threw the rest of the food out.
In fact, a lot of banders, including me, find that stressful situations make the band even tighter than normal. (You can read about why that is here) That’s been the case since Saturday, and I’m having difficulty keeping any food down at all. I should probably get a small un-fill, since this seems to be a re-occurring problem, but I’m hoping that the tightness will pass.
I wish that there was a device, like the gastric band, that can turn the crazy off in my head.
All this makes me realize—yet again—that although I’ve gotten my weight under control at last, that the work to fix some of the emotional problems that contributed to my weight problem is ongoing. Losing weight has solved a lot of problems in my life, but it certainly hasn’t solved them all. This is an ongoing battle…
What are some tools that you use to equip yourself against the mental battles you face?
by Christine on October 17th, 2011
Good morning Revolutionists! Did everyone have a good weekend? I hope so! Mine was great, but not long enough. I could have used a lazy day to relax a bit! Friday night I did a little clothes shopping (apparently I’m still a Size 4, hooray!) and then I went to the “Racino” in Saratoga, which is a combination harness track and electronic slot machine facility. I love people-watching there! I lost about $10 over the course of about 3 hours (not bad), and I hit a really fun 50-free-spin game! Everyone kept staring at me though; I felt really self-conscious. Did I have a booger hanging out of my nose? Toilet paper on my shoes? Weird. So I left and went home.
Tuesday I went to Peekskill, NY with a friend for a small brew festival. It was at the Peekskill Brewery, and they had several different breweries’ beer, some craft vendors, and some live music. We went to hear the Folkadelics play–what a great band! The beer was good, the price was good, the weather held out, and we made a few friends…a successful outing!
Beforehand we stopped for lunch at 12 Grapes. I had a glass of Austrian wine (not good) and a crab cake (delicious). Unfortunately my band was giving me problems, so I ended up barfing up all the food. Some days are good, some days are bad. Go figure. On the way home we hit up a new brew pub in Catskill, NY call the Crossroads Brewery. Again…good beer, great venue, and a fun live band! I would definitely stop by this brewery if I was going through the area again!
By the time I got home it was late, so I went to bed. I think we missed dinner….
Yesterday I went over to a friend’s house for a homemade card-making class, put on by a Stampin’ Up consultant. We made 20 homemade Christmas cards, and they turned out so cute! My friend had a great spread of food, and oh! The quiche! I had two slices! Piggy me! I was super hungry, which is no surprise after the day I had previously. I had lots of water, a few fresh veggies & dip, and a few crackers and cheese. Super fun!
Scale today was 128.0. It’s a much-needed coffee kind of morning!
What did you guys all do this weekend?
by Christine on October 13th, 2011
Not much happening here. On Tuesday we went to trivia, and I brought my Nook with me to read. (Hubby and his friends talk about their geek topics, and I get bored.) Well, I forgot my Nook at the bar! Oh no! I went there the next day at lunchtime and spoke to the manager. He has security cameras all over the place apparently, and found where I left the bar and left the Nook on the table…then the waitress came by and put it in her schoolbooks in the back! He called the waitress and she was all, “Oh yeah, yeah, I accidentally brought it home with me, I’ll bring it back to the bar tomorrow…” OMG!
8 a.m.: Yogurt (80) and half a small can of red bull (60)
Noon: Some chicken caesar salad, most of which I barfed up in a “sliming” episode (100), diet coke
4 p.m.: Apple cider (120)
7 p.m.: Tomato Soup with skim milk (175), water
8 p.m.: Some chocolate, approx. halloween-sized (70)
Total Calories: 605
8 a.m.: Yogurt (80) and some diet coke
Noon: Paneras: Black bean soup (110) and a classic cafe salad (80), diet coke
4 p.m.: Red jello with fresh berries in it (40), water
7 p.m.: (at bar, for trivia) 1 bowl clam chowder soup (300) and 2 beers (300)
Total calories: 910
8 a.m.: Banana (110) and coffee (90)
Noon: Salad (100) and water
7 p.m.: About 3 oz sirloin with marinade (190), baked potato (35) and some butter (50), skim milk (120)
Total Calories: 695
Oh my…I’m surprisingly low on calories this week! I just haven’t felt all that hungry, I guess. Perhaps tonight I’ll indulge in a yummy salad or some fish… This week my scale has been good to me: in the 120′s all week (127 today), and that number is really indicative of the low calories I suppose!
I’ve been jonesing for some mexican food. I think sometime soon I will make a mexican concoction: a mix of ground beef, mushrooms, and black beans, mixed in taco sauce, and put over a nice green salad, with perhaps a sprinkle of cheese on top. Yum! If you add mushrooms to your mexican meat, you can cut out a lot of calories without compromising on the taste.
I had to throw a bunch of food away from my refrigerator yesterday. It reminded me of one of the downsides to the gastric band: you really become a food spoiler! I always have leftovers, and I never seem to get to it all. So the food goes bad before I can manage to eat it. Boo! What a waste!