Royal Wedding

by Christine on April 29th, 2011

filed under General Information

I’ve been awake since 3:30 a.m. watching the Royal Wedding! Is anyone else a fan of the royal family?

Today I’m having lunch with a dear, dear friend of mine, Doug and his fiancee Julia. They are driving through my area on the way to Boston. I can’t wait to see them! It’ll make for a lovely Friday, especially because I will be very tired from waking up early!

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Still searching for the right balance

by Christine on April 28th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

It’s been a weird week for me.  I’m going through some emotional crap (most of which I bring on myself, I think), I’m swamped at work and trying to keep myself carefully on schedule, I’ve got a boatload of things to do at home after our vacation, etc. It seems like I’m stressing about everything, all the time. I wonder sometimes if I should consider anti-anxiety medication because it’s really hard for me to take a step back, breathe, and take daily life one stride at a time. I feel compulsive about planning ahead, anticipating the worst, making everything just as perfect/smooth/easy as can be, etc. I seem to be getting worse about this compulsion as time goes by.

In the end, I’m just trying to achieve balance in my life. That’s my New Years Resolution, after all. Balance between work and play, balance in love, balance with money, and certainly balance with my weight.

Weight maintenance is not easy, let me tell you that! I’m still hanging in steady at 127.0 (my “goal” weight is 125) almost five months after reaching my goal weight. That’s a steady two-pounds-higher than my goal. Not bad…still within range…but every day I get up, stand on the scale, and feel my skin crawl with dread, worrying that the numbers will go up-up-up.

My eating choices are not really the best, and I know that. I have one day when I eat like crap (lots of bread, chocolate, alcohol) and then I’ll have two days where I eat well (healthy protein, salad, less carbs). I know my portion sizes are okay, and I suppose that’s what’s keeping me within my weight range.  However, I fret constantly about my food choices and how that affects my weight.

Why is it so damn hard to cut out the crappy foods? I mean, I know that breads, chocolate, and alcohol are not smart to eat every day, so why do I continue to set myself up for that? I set ground rules for myself, saying that I’m not going to eat them at all. Or I might say I’ll allow myself to eat them twice a week.  But no; even small concessions are not enough!  My body wants to have these bad foods all the time. Where is my self-control? Why can’t reason and rational thought win the war against crappy food? What is it about ourselves that set us up for sabotage?

I suppose two things might help with my issues (the food issues and the stressing out problem I have): a keen sense of self-awareness and just taking everything one day and one moment at a time.  I think that will help to “center” me a little bit—ground me, so to speak–and help me try to find some of that balance that I’m seeking in my life.

How do you find balance in your life?

How do you overcome stressful thoughts and constant anxiety?

How do you maintain a healthy weight without becoming overwrought with worry over it?

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Pictures of my Caribbean Cruise!

by Christine on April 27th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

Eating beignets at Cafe du Monde in New Orleans! Yummy!!

On the cruise ship. That’s my cutie husband!

Chaccoben, Mayan ruins. Pretty awesome! My favorite part of the vacation!

The beach in Honduras

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Emily’s trip to France

by Christine on April 26th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

If you’ve been following along, I have been showing some videos of my friend Emily’s weight loss journey via V-blog! Yesterday she shared this video show of her recent trip to France.

As for me, I just returned from a one-week cruise vacation. We left from New Orleans and our ports of call included Costa Maya, Belize City (Belize), Roatan (Honduras), and Cozumel (Mexico). I had a great time and will share pictures with you soon!

Eating healthfully on a cruise ship is a real challenge because you cannot custom-order your food anywhere. They make food en masse so you either get what they make or not.  I kept a careful eye on my portion control and tried my best to eat healthfully when possible, even though I indulged in quite a few beers. The outcome: my weight remained the same over vacation. Woohoo! I was at 127.0 when I returned, which is the same weight as when I left.

Getting a workout in while on vacation was much easier than I would have though. I did a lot of hiking on a Mayan ruins tour, did a lot of swimming on a snorkeling tour. I got a few workouts in at the gym on the ship. Plus, we took the stairs on the ship as often as possible. Our room was on the 4th floor, and most of the pools/restaurants/hangout spots were on the 11th and 12th floors. If you take the stairs several times a day, that adds up. Consequently, exercise = complete!

Photos to come!

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Emily has lost a pound! Bathing suit trials, and a heart attack.

by Christine on April 14th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

Emily has lost a pound! Hooray! Congrats to you Emily!! Keep up the good work! (And thank you for the shout out!)

I’ve been going through bathing suit trials and tribulations as I prepare for my vacation in warmer weather.  I have a one-piece bathing suit that I bought last year (Size 8) that is very cute. But I’m, what, 30 pounds thinner this year. And…I thought...is this the year that I can finally wear a two-piece swimsuit? For the first time in my life?

I bought a two-piece swimsuit (gasp! A bikini with boyshort bottoms. Very cute.) but sadly I don’t think I can pull it off. It’s mostly okay, but with my dislocated port and loose skin in my belly area, my husband thinks that the swimsuit is a “no go.”  Bummer.

So it looks like I’ll be sticking with a one-piece bathing suit. Some things are just outside of our control, I guess.

And speaking out out of our control, I got a call last night that my father had a heart attack. He had 99% percent blockage in one of his three main arteries going to his heart. Getting timely information from my family, as well as honest-truthful information about what is going on is impossible. I’m feeling worried, scared, anxious, frustrated, and angry. However, my mother made it very clear to me that I have no right to be feeling any of the emotions that I’m feeling. This is a common theme in my relationship with my family, especially my mother. As I was hitting up Paneras immediately after the phonecall to shovel food into my face, I had an ENLIGHTENING MOMENT with regards to my weight issues.

My feelings, all of my life, have been constantly being repressed, pushed aside, and deemed not important.  The problem with that (other than being intrinsically cruel and unfair) is that I have no means by which to express my emotions. It’s not just that my family doesn’t say, “I acknowledge your feelings but I disagree with them” but it goes further into “how dare you! you have no right to feel the way you do.”

These bottled up emotions have no place to go, and then I get all betwixed thinking that there’s something wrong with me, and I should be feeling differently than I really do. I’ve known that I binge on food when I’m emotional; I always thought that binging on food was a comforting figure for me–kind of like the mother I never had to comfort me when I’m feeling emotional. But that’s not it, not exactly. I use food as a means of expression. The hurt, pain, frustration, anger, fear…those feelings get bottled up inside me with no place to go, so I eat in order to express myself through food.

It’s a small difference, but a significant one.

I could rant and rave at this point…give a bunch of examples of what I’m talking about, but I think this isn’t the time or place for it. Right now I’m happy that my dad is okay and healing up after his surgery, but I’m feeling bottled up and trapped, especially with this vacation looming…two days before we leave. I need to put on my “happy!! let’s go on vacation!!” face and not be a total downer, so it’s repress, repress, repress for me.

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