Lost my bookmarks again! Help!
by Christine on November 9th, 2011
filed under General Information
Dang it! The IT guys at work seem to have wiped out all my internet bookmarks, which means my blog visit list has gone Ka-put!!
If I normally troll your blog, or if you would like me to troll your blog a few times a week, please please link me up to your blog in the comments section!
Ah, the wonders of technology, huh? Ha!
I hope you are all doing well!
The blues have me restricted.
by Christine on September 9th, 2011
filed under Christine's Life Updates, General Information
I’m not doing very well over here. Mentally. Depression, you know. It’s been a rough few days, honestly.
I’ve always dealt with depression, from as young as I can remember really. All my earliest memories are of crying myself to sleep and feeling unconsolable, out of place, unwanted, unnecessary. Even at 4 or 5 years old. I had a suicide attempt when I was 19, and ended up in the hospital, stomach pumped and all that jazz. After that, I thankfully recognized that the never-ending melancholy was depression (you’d think that would be a real “duh” thing, but I grew up in a family that refused to go to doctors, and “you’ll get over it” was our family motto.) and finally got some medication for it. What a lifesaver that was–literally.
Medication helps a lot. But medicating depression is one of those tricky things because after you take it for a while, you feel better, and then you decide that you don’t need the medicine anymore! And then after a while the depression comes back, and it’s kind of this never-ending cycle.
For the longest time I was convinced–CONVINCED!!–that the cause of my depression was my weight. My weight prevented me from doing the things I wanted to do. My weight kept people at bay, made it hard to make friends and be outgoing. My weight kept me from having a decent amount of self-esteem or even self-respect. While all of these things are true–my weight did create obstacles for me all the time, every day–I’ve also learned recently that sometimes depression is just a medical/chemical thing, and isn’t necessarily caused by any one thing, like weight. Sure, it can be influenced and triggered by circumstantial events, but it’s not always the cause of the mood.
Although I know that there is a lot of things going on with me right now that is triggering the depression, I wonder how depression has been affected to some extent by the weight loss surgery. For instance, I think there’s a kind of let-down once you reach your goal weight. It’s kind of like a bride after her wedding; there’s a kind of “Now what?” feeling? That exhilaration you feel every time you step on the scale and see a drop is no longer there. There’s nothing to be fighting for. It’s a let down in some ways. For me, I think the fact that I’m slowly regaining some of my weight is causing the depression. It makes me feel like I STILL don’t have control over my body and my weight, even after all this time and surgery. It’s extremely frustrating.
But really, this total sense of tiredness, listlessness, emptiness inside…it’s coming on for multitudes of reasons. Yesterday I pulled out my last stash of anti-depressants, and I’ll call my doctor for an official prescription renewal. I informed hubby about how I’m feeling, so he’s on “Christine-Watch” now and will help me monitor my mood and stuff. He’s super awesome like that.
Because of how I’m feeling, I can’t eat a thing. I never experienced my gastric band reacting to my mood quite as much as it currently is doing right now. I tried having some chicken noodle soup for lunch yesterday but it was so tight and restrictive I ended up barfing it all up. For dinner (out at pub trivia) I had a cup of cream of chicken soup–totally blended and creamy–and barfed all that up too. This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. (I was at work at 4 a.m.!) and have been dry-heaving all morning. I don’t know if it’s the medicine making my stomach wonky today. Maybe.
Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Can’t think straight. My anxiety is off-the-charts. (OMG because I left the house so early today, I forgot to turn off the alarm clock and it’s going off RIGHT NOW and it might go on all day! I feel like driving home to take care of it. I can’t believe I screwed up the freaking ALARM CLOCK!) Smothering feelings of being unnecessary, worthless, guilty, anxiety and worry…I simultaneously feel like I’m drowning and feel completely empty inside, too. Just flat, emotionless. I either want to eat everything in sight (which I’m sure I’d barf up from the restriction) or want to eat nothing at all. I’m a wreck and really not doing well.
Sorry to be such a downer today.
Stranded by Hurricane Irene!
by Christine on September 1st, 2011
filed under Christine's Life Updates, General Information
I’m back home, finally, after being stranded out of town because of Hurricane Irene. I had left last week to do a long-weekend away, in order to attend a friend’s wedding. Plus, I got to visit my parents for a few days. Then Irene hit and devastated my hometown here in New York, and it was impossible to find a flight out until Wednesday (we were schedule to be home on Sunday)! It was terribly inconvenient for me because of my work schedule, but at least we were in a safe spot. When we got home, we discovered that our cat was okay, the house was okay, the yard is mostly okay (just a few tree branches down). So we got off pretty easily, but not so much for the rest of our neighbors in Schoharie County and in Vermont….
I work for an engineering firm that, among other things, designs roads and bridges, and some of the counties affected by the storm are some of our best clients. I imagine we are going to be very busy helping our local communities rebuild after the storm. Today I am going to look into the possibility of me being able to get out there and to help distribute some clothes, food, etc., as a way for our company to “give back” to the communities.
Further bad news about my trip: my parents were sick, and I caught their cold, unfortunately. Boo!
I also gained 2 pounds while away, and that was entirely my fault. My parents apparently don’t eat on regular schedules anymore, nor do they really keep healthy food in the house. My meals consisted of either fast food, fried fish, ribs, and Chicago-style Italian beef. I ordered salads when I could, but overall the eating was less than stellar. I swam one day and went for a walk another day and danced at the wedding, but otherwise I didn’t get any exercise in, either. (And I packed gym clothes!)
The good news is that I got to spend time with my parents, meet a wonderful online friend for the first time, and attend a wedding filled with friends! It was a really fun time, and I danced my butt off! So here are some snippets from the week…
Here I am meeting my friend Sandy from Alabama in front of the “Married With Children Fountain” (aka: Buckingham Fountain in Chicago).
Me and the hubby at the wedding! I never in a bajillion years would have worn a dress like this when I was heavier.
The happy couple!
Getting my silly on at the wedding!
I got to meet one of my mom’s long-time friends (they were friends in middle school) Terry and her husband Eliot. What great people!We spent the day in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and had lunch up there (greek salad, delicious) and walked around the main street shopping. Did you know that Lake Geneva is the home of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D)? Of course, hubby was in search of D&D stuff, and we finally found a game store where he could buy a D&D book.
Now if you’re ever in the southern Wisconsin/Northern Illinois area, you really need to check out the House on the Rock. It’s one of my favorite eclectic museums I’ve ever been to! I’ve been to the House on the Rock probably 10 times in my life. But I found a new eclectic museum even closer to my parents’ home. It’s call the Historic Auto Attractions in Roscoe, Illinois, and let me tell you, it’s freaking awesome!! It’s just some rich guy that started collecting weird stuff, and he has it all displayed in a metal-framed building and calls it a “museum.” They have the weirdest assortment of automobiles, autographs, Hollywood stuff, historic stuff, etc. But the items this guy has collected are really historic! For instance, the museum has:
- A collection of old west stuff, including John Wayne memorabilia, Custer’s Last Stand stuff, old stage coaches, etc.
- The actual clothes (hats) that the real Bonnie & Clyde wore when they got shot. He also has the actual car used to film the Bonnie & Clyde movie back in the 60s or whatever.
- John Dillinger’s 1932 Studebaker Commander
- Al Capone’s delivery vehicle “Beer Truck” (1929 Model AA Truck)
- Howard Hughes’s car
- Colonel Sander’s car
- Marilyne Monroe stuff, including the letter from the movie studio firing her for not showing up for filming, the dress in “Some Like it Hot” (I think) autograpsh, locks of hair, etc.
- Laurel & Hardy’s car
- Joseph Stalin’s 1937 Packard Super 12
- Evita and Juan Peron’s Presidential Limo, 1950 Rolls Royce Silver Wraith
- The Secret Service’s parade car that followed JFK when he got shot.
- A bunch of Jackie O’s clothing
- A part of the Grassy Knoll fence, a window from next to where Oswald shot JFK
- The actual flag that draped Kennedy’s casket during his funeral. He also has Jackie O’s veil from the service, as well as a LOT of letters, documents, autographs, and other JFK assassination paraphernalia.
- The fireplace mantel from the White House, where Truman signed the order to drop the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima
- A ton of race car stuff
- Movie car stuff, like the Delorian from Back to the Future, the Ghost Busters car, a couple of Batmobiles, the National Lampoons’ station wagon
- A bunch of Gone with the Wind stuff, such as a mirror used in the movie, Clark Gable’s contract, Vivien Leigh’s clothes, original tickets and programs, etc.
- A ton of Abraham Lincoln stuff, such as the chair he sat in, parts of the cabin where he grew up, the coins placed on his eyes when he died, part of the bloodstained bandages, locks of hair, clothing, his famous top hat, etc.
- A couple of space things, like the Freedom 7 capsule that came back to Earth
Like…a lot of really awesome stuff for a museum stuck in the middle of nowhere. Well worth the money and the visit if you’re ever in that part of the country!
Help me update my blog links!
by Christine on August 24th, 2011
filed under General Information
I need to update my blog links (“blog roll”) on the right-hand side of this page. If you want to be included in my links, post a comment below with the address of your blog.
Thanks!
My weekend with Morgan Freeman & John Williams
by Christine on August 22nd, 2011
filed under Christine's Life Updates, General Information
Saturday I had the fantastic opportunity to go to Tanglewood to see the Boston Pops play, with the amazing John Williams conducting, in an event called “Film Night.” This is the second year we have gone to Tanglewood to see John Williams conduct. I have to admit: I rather idolize John Williams. His was the first autograph I got when I started my autograph-collecting hobby (I now have hundreds or thousands of autographs), and his autograph is proudly displayed in my living room.
For those that don’t know John Williams — he’s a music god, especially in the film industry. He wrote the music for nearly every memorable, modern block-buster movie: Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, Jaws, Close Encounters, Jurassic Park, Superman, Sabrina, E.T., and so many others. He conducted the Boston Pops for many years, and he is invited to come back as a guest conductor in the summertime at Tanglewood. So exciting!
They had all kinds of film arrangements: a “Hooray for Hollywood” compilation, with snippets from many different movies. They did a montage of Western movies and music, and they also did an Audrey Hepburn celebration to the music of Sabrina. They performed a few pieces from Schindler’s List. They also performed two of my favorite film scores: the John Dunbar theme from Dances with Wolves, and Por Una Cabeza from Scent of a Woman.
But there were two highlights of the evening for me. The first was a special reading by Morgan Freeman. He came on stage to read snippets from Henry Faulkner’s “The Reivers.” While Morgan Freeman was reading, the Pops were playing a John Williams original score in the background. Freeman would pause at key spots, and the music would take over and carry the story along. Oh, it was fantastic!
And of course…the end of the evening culminated in the Throne Room Theme from Star Wars, with images from the Star Wars movies and images of Williams recording the music with the studio orchestras in from the 1970s-2000s. Fantastic!!
It was a busy weekend, even aside from the concert in Massachusetts. On Saturday afternoon we went down to Kingston to the Hickory BBQ Smokehouse for a birthday lunch for one of Aaron’s friends. (I had a salad with BBQ pulled pork on top. Delicious!) On Sunday I went out with a friend to Northampton, Mass to hit a few wineries. We ended up at Godard’s Red Hen Farm Winery to sample some wines. It’s a new winery, but the wines were surprisingly good, and the owner was fantastic! He told us all about his process, his equipment, his grapes. He even gave us a tour of the back room where the magic all happens. A nice little place to stop if you’re in that neck of the woods. We also stopped at the Northampton Brewery for lunch. The beer was very hoppy (if you like bitter beers, this is a great place to stop!) I had a cup of clear brothy soup that was fantastic, plus a green salad that was a big disappointment.
My weight today is up another pound today, even though I didn’t consume a lot of calories on Saturday and Sunday. It’s starting to get me down, and I think I’m going to schedule another fill with my doctor for another week or two. It’s very frustrating.
