A very weird Christmas

by Christine on December 23rd, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

It’s been a really weird week, and a really weird Christmas.

First of all, I found out this morning that my 2nd cousin was killed in a car crash yesterday. She was only 21, and had just gotten married about 5-or-so weeks ago.  My parents cancelled our usual Christmas in Illinois so they could spend some time with our Texas family. It sounds like instead of celebrating the holidays, they will be attending memorial services instead. It’s a terrible tragedy, and my heart goes out to my wonderful, beautiful family in Texas. Here’s a picture of my 2nd cousin and her daddy just a few short weeks ago, on the big wedding day. Isn’t she absolutely beautiful???

On Monday I had my first appointment with the counselor. It was just an overview session, a get-to-know-ya kind of thing. I think he was a little surprised that I have, as he said, “So many things going on in your life right now.” But I feel pretty good about the guy, and he thinks he can help me. He wants to see me two times a week for a while, so I have my 2nd appointment this afternoon.

Afterwards I talked to my mom. They had opened their Christmas presents at my cousin’s house, so she was calling to say thank you. It was actually a nice conversation. I’m glad that they are with the family down south and spending some quality time with that side of the family.

Monday I kind of wiped out my Facebook and deleted all my old posts, deleted some people that I either never speak to or don’t really want to know what’s going on in my life, etc. I’m not sure why I got a little spazzy about Facebook. When I’m depressed, I want to isolate myself and cut off all contact from the world. I think that’s what I was doing.

Tuesday we had pub trivia. We won at the end of trivia, but we didn’t collect our prize (a gift certificate to use next week) because I don’t want to go back again, so we wouldn’t use it.  Without going into too many details, going to that pub trivia makes me feel bad about myself, so we’re going to find a new bar and new trivia to check out in 2012.

Wednesday my co-worker and I met a client for lunch, which turned into a 7 hour lunch, and we were all drunk as skunks by the time we left. My co-worker shouldn’t have driven. I think we all shared a little bit too much about what’s going on in our lives and in our heads, and now we’re all acting stupid towards each other. Ugh.

Yesterday I had my appointment with my GP to discuss my depression. God, I love my doctor.  I didn’t have to try to defend myself, justify how I’m feeling, try to convince her that I’m not making shit up, etc. I just said, “Hey, I’m feeling depressed and my current meds aren’t working. I need some help.”  So I’m going to take some blood tests today to check my thryoid levels and vitamin levels and whatnot, and then she switched my meds to another type of anti-depressant, which I’ll pick up and start trying this weekend. I sure hope the new meds help!

Yesterday evening my hubby had his company holiday Christmas party. They gave the guys those remote controlled helicopters, so there were like 8 of those things flying around the restaurant, flying into our hair and landing in the food, etc. It was a very strange little gathering. I was extremely tired, I ate way too much food, and I felt socially incredibly awkward and self-conscious.

But the important part is that I’ve survived the week. One day at a time.

Today I’m at 129.0, a little on the high end of my maintenance range. But I’m no doubt bloated from PMS, too much food yesterday, etc.

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  • Krisztina Foster

    My heartfelt condolences for the loss of your cousin. It must be really tough on the family – especially this time of the year…
    My gran passed a year ago – it was a awkward and sad Christmas for all of us. And she was frail and old – it must be so much more difficult when a young life is cut short so suddenly. I’m sorry about your loss.On a slightly happier note: I just want to wish you and your hubby a love-filled Christmas!

  • Sarah G

    I am so sorry about the loss of your cousin.

    I hope your GP and your counselor can help you through your depression.

    Merry Christmas, Christine!

  • Amandakiska

    So sorry about your cousin.  She was, indeed, very beautiful. 

    I am worried about you!  Did you get into a car with a drunk driver?  Sometimes when depression is a struggle, we do things that are rather reckless.  Please look at your behaviors and keep yourself safe. 

  • Robyn’s Nest

    I am so very sorry about your cousin.  How tragic.
    I will pray that these meds help you feel better.  

  • http://onmyweightohappiness.blogspot.com/ Sarah

    So sorry about the loss of your cousin. 

  • JennyJigglyBits

    Hi Christine! Im sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your cousin! Hang in there girl. Despite depression, being self-concious and a little awkward, you inspire people! We all have our weaknesses, (ukrainian food over Christmas for me) but we are all here to give what we can in supporting eachother. You made me realise that! Thank you and all of the best in 2012!

  • http://electricladyband.blogspot.com/ Stephanie M.

    Oh no…I’m so sorry about your cousin and that you’re having a rough time. I think that blogging about it and not just shutting down is very strong of you.

  • http://responsibility199.wordpress.com/ Patrick

    Hi Christine, sorry to hear about your cousin and your depression. 

    Thinking of you and hoping the new year brings health, happiness and lots of laughs.

    Happy New Year!

    -Patrick
    Moved my blog to>
    http://responsibility199.wordpress.com