Still searching for the right balance

by Christine on April 28th, 2011

filed under Christine's Life Updates

It’s been a weird week for me.  I’m going through some emotional crap (most of which I bring on myself, I think), I’m swamped at work and trying to keep myself carefully on schedule, I’ve got a boatload of things to do at home after our vacation, etc. It seems like I’m stressing about everything, all the time. I wonder sometimes if I should consider anti-anxiety medication because it’s really hard for me to take a step back, breathe, and take daily life one stride at a time. I feel compulsive about planning ahead, anticipating the worst, making everything just as perfect/smooth/easy as can be, etc. I seem to be getting worse about this compulsion as time goes by.

In the end, I’m just trying to achieve balance in my life. That’s my New Years Resolution, after all. Balance between work and play, balance in love, balance with money, and certainly balance with my weight.

Weight maintenance is not easy, let me tell you that! I’m still hanging in steady at 127.0 (my “goal” weight is 125) almost five months after reaching my goal weight. That’s a steady two-pounds-higher than my goal. Not bad…still within range…but every day I get up, stand on the scale, and feel my skin crawl with dread, worrying that the numbers will go up-up-up.

My eating choices are not really the best, and I know that. I have one day when I eat like crap (lots of bread, chocolate, alcohol) and then I’ll have two days where I eat well (healthy protein, salad, less carbs). I know my portion sizes are okay, and I suppose that’s what’s keeping me within my weight range.  However, I fret constantly about my food choices and how that affects my weight.

Why is it so damn hard to cut out the crappy foods? I mean, I know that breads, chocolate, and alcohol are not smart to eat every day, so why do I continue to set myself up for that? I set ground rules for myself, saying that I’m not going to eat them at all. Or I might say I’ll allow myself to eat them twice a week.  But no; even small concessions are not enough!  My body wants to have these bad foods all the time. Where is my self-control? Why can’t reason and rational thought win the war against crappy food? What is it about ourselves that set us up for sabotage?

I suppose two things might help with my issues (the food issues and the stressing out problem I have): a keen sense of self-awareness and just taking everything one day and one moment at a time.  I think that will help to “center” me a little bit—ground me, so to speak–and help me try to find some of that balance that I’m seeking in my life.

How do you find balance in your life?

How do you overcome stressful thoughts and constant anxiety?

How do you maintain a healthy weight without becoming overwrought with worry over it?

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  • Karenogle133

    I wish I had some answers for you. I’m on meds for anxiety among other things and I’m just learning to maintain too. I have a plan but am not sticking to it 100%. It drives me nuts that I am not able to follow a simple plan for more than a few days in a row. However, my weight it staying about the same so the scale isn’t showing my lack of commitment. Yet. I stress over everything too as everyone who reads my blog can see. I think that sometimes we just have to let go of the worry and live from moment to moment without all the security we get from planning everything. The pressure builds and our expectations become even harder to meet when we are planning everything.

    I wish you the best and hope you find the balance you are looking for.

  • Jack Sh*t

    Maintenance is a whole new (and different) set of challenges. You think you ought to be able to eat more like a “normal” person, but I’ve found that it’s very, very easy to get caught up in some back-sliding and it’s not so easy to turn the “losing” back on again. The good news has been that, for me at least, it hasn’t been out-of-control eating or ridiculous choices that’s doing the damage… just a steady stream of iffy decisions and a little lack of focus. But once those pants you’re so proud you’ve gotten back into start getting snug again, it will get your attention quickly.

    Anyway, you’re doing great. Keep up the fantastic work.

  • Maude

    I personally don’t think that medication is the answer, but I know that lots of people are going to disagree with me. I think it’s messed up that we blame ourselves and medicate our bodies to compensate for a world that is so out of line with what makes us healthy human beings. That said, I keep myself in balance with exercise and drawing the line at work. Moving around enough is critical to maintenence, and as you’ve mentioned, it’s not because of how many calories you burn. Exercise keeps us balanced in some critical way. Incorporating yoga has also been huge for me over the years. In terms of work, I’ve realized that I’d probably work myself into the ground if I let myself. I’m a total workaholic, and I’ve realized that I have to set my own boundaries. As far as cravings for bad foods go, I’m getting to the point where I”m accepting that I have to cut them out almost entirely. Once I have some, I just want more, and more, and more.
    You’re doing so great – don’t be too hard on yourself! Good luck!

  • Patrick

    Crappy foods are just plain evil. Like hypnotic cats they lure you in and then claw the crap out of you. Um, to far fetched of an analogy? Probably. I go through periods where I can look past the crap with ease, and then periods where I can’t help but get sucked in to sucking craqp down. Wish I knew what it was that truly differentiated my ability in those periods. Has to be mental, has to be attitude, thus it has to be something i can control better than I do. Right?