Pics – Look at that port!

by Christine on September 16th, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates, Gastric Banding Surgery

135.0 pounds
5 foot 2 inches
24.7 BMI
Size 4 pants; size small top

Me, January 2008 (below) at maybe 200 pounds:

Part of me looks at the first pictures and says, “My goodness, what an improvement!”  I’ve lost 90 pounds. I’m thinner than I’ve ever been. I’m wearing clothes in a size smaller than I’ve ever been. When I look at the pictures I see my collarbones, my pointy chin, my shoulders sticking out, and all those things make me happy to see! I’m healthier, fitter than ever better. I FEEL great, and ultimately that’s what matters, right?

But the other part of me looks at those pictures and sees how much further I have to go. I have always said that I want to lose 100 pounds even, so that means I have 10 pounds left to lose. Will 10 pounds fix all the flaws that I see in those pictures? Nope. It probably won’t even get all that close.  I look at those pictures and see the lumps, bumps, that awful port site sticking out. I see the stretch marks, the sagging skin, the terribly fat lower belly (you’d think I had 4 kids but I’ve never had any!) I see all the areas I want to do plastic surgery on, and the worse spots aren’t even in the photos — the droopy boobs and the flabby legs. UGH.

Am I being completely vain? Do you hear me complain and think I’m a total bitch? Or do you look at the photos and go, “Ugh, yeah, I see what she means”??

I have no perspective at all.

I’m not 18 anymore, and I can’t expect my body to look like it. But can’t I expect better than…this?

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  • Alison

    I think that you look amazing, I don’t see lumps and bumps at all. At the start of this journey if someone could have shown you that photo and told you that you would loose 90 lb’s I’m sure you would have been delighted, I certainly would. You really need to embrace what a fantastic thing that you’ve done for your health and your figure and start being kind to yourself.

  • Carolyn511

    I dont know … I mean I know we are always critical of ourselves but I have to say you look bloody amazing – seriously. Your arms look especially good! That port is very noticeable yeah but hey, you worked hard to have it look like that. I say you look great!

  • Shane G.

    Hey, you are beautiful. Embrace that and love yourself. You have done a great thing and we are all very proud of you. especially me. Will you ever be completely satisfied? No. Know why? because you have an inner drive that makes you want to be better than you are. that is how you got here to begin with. Be cognizant of that fact and make peace. Even if you do not lose another pound ( which won’t happen) you are so much better off and will live a longer, happier and healthier life than you did in the past! Smile baby girl!! you have earned it!

  • Seeingincolour

    Its so crazy how visible your port is… in a weird way it shows how far you have come…. ahaha i certainly cant see mine yet!

  • islandbandit

    girl you look AMAZING! In fact, when I looked at your pics i thought ‘now that’s the kind of body i want at the end of this journey. Are you perfect? Probably not. but who is without photoshop???? As for the port. look into having it relocated. One of the first questions I asked my surgeon is whether he does port relocation if it becomes too noticeable when i lose all the weight and he does. I agree with others that at some point you need to make peace with who you are and love you – every bit of you. But at the same time, I am completely supportive of some plastic surgery to fix the bits you can’t.

  • Patrick

    You my friend are amazing, you look amazing. Do you have imperfections, sure. We all do, because nobody is perfect. You taken an unhealthy you and hammered out a healthier you. You can be healthier still if you desire, and you say you do, so keep that hammer in hand and keep at it. We all hear that as we shed the pounds loose skin and such will not just recede, the question as to whether you need to pursue surgiucal help to correct those loose areas is your decision and yours alone. Maybe your husband gets a say in it too :-)

    Whatever your decision, you should not consider yourself vain or accept such rubbish from anyone else. Sure, I suppose there is a point where we can go too far, but again where that line is is up to you, and where that line is may be different than where I would draw it, or someone else.

    Like all things on our missions, it happens one choice at a time. Take the time along the way to give due thought and I’m sure you’ll choose wisely and stay within the lines of your definition of what is right for you.

  • Allanmklein

    Told ya, port porn gets comments… Nice job.. Can you inject 5 cc’s of Tequila in there for shits and giggles ?

  • http://tessierose-bandmebaby.blogspot.com/ tessierose

    You really look amazing, port and all. My port is below my panty line, so when I get slim, it won’t show. I thought that was so wierd that my doc placed it there, but he said, you’ll thank me when it’s all said and done. I’ve never talked to anyone else who’s port is there. Your skin tone is so nice, you don’t look flabby at all, when you were losing did you find your skin would get better after a while, I’m feeling very spongey right now at only 40 down?

  • Lesia

    I think you look great. I have shaggy legs and hanging skin too. But I am willing to wait the year I was told to see if it tightens. I kept telling myself 5 more pound and that skin will be gone and I will like what I see in the mirror. But that hasn’t happened yet so now I just love ME with all the hanging skin and wrinkles.

  • Dr. Fatty

    Everyone sees things they don’t like when they look in the mirror. I think you look awesome. This is where we have to remind ourselves that the number on the scale isn’t everything. You may not be “done” when you are at your goal weight. But, there are some things we can fix or are willing to fix and others we learn to accept. This is all part of getting used to your new body. You had all those years in the old one. Give yourself time to learn to love the new one, flaws and all.

  • Elisabeth

    I think you look great. And no, I do not think you are vain for wanting more. It is that attitude that continues to drive you forward. Give yourself time to adjust to the new you and then decide what you can live with and what else you might want to alter. There are always solutions – port relocation, excess skin removal, etc. Just don’t go overboard because you really are looking amazing.

  • Watrmlon

    I think you look amazing!! None of us are perfect and if you wish to change things later that’s your choice but i don’t think you need anything done.

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