I’m here! Just existing…

by Christine on September 1st, 2010

filed under Christine's Life Updates

I’m here. I was at a loss of what to write, today. I’m knee-deep in three documents at work, one of which I’ve edited 18 times now, another I’ve edited four times, and a book that I’m writing for publication that I’m stuck on the content.  Don’t get me wrong — I’m THRILLED that I actually have something to work on, but I’m feeling the stress of everything that needs to get done as soon as humanly possible!

To top my stress off, one of the graduate students asked me to edit his dissertation…by Friday. That’s in two days! To make matters worse, English is his second language, so not only would I have to weed through the technical aspects of the dissertation, but I would have to weed through English grammar. I had to tell him “no,” and it broke my heart because I know he desperately needs the help in order to get approval from his dissertation committee.  He’s been working on this research for three years and he is giving it two days to be edited?

Saying no. I need to do it more often, but today it just reminded me how much saying “no” sucks.

Yesterday I was asleep by 9 p.m. again. I feel much better today (no cough, sniffles, or sore throat) but I still feel like someone beat me up. I have mind-blowing amounts of muscle fatigue and I am so darn tired.  I hate relying on caffeine to get me through the day, but I feel like that’s all I have to get me through. I still feel like this muscle fatigue is probably from my underlying health issues, but my doctor said it was unlikely last time I saw him, so I figure I’m just being a big crybaby.

I haven’t exercised in days, and I feel like I want to eat everything in sight, even though I’m not even physically hungry. It was poor timing to take my acryllic nails off; my nails are now officially gnawed off. I HATE being a 32 year old nail biter.

I think I’m going to run out to the corner store to get some gym. The fresh air will do me some good, even though it’s hot as hell outside today.

Last night our neighbors invited us over for dinner. I had a bad situation where food got stuck in my band. See, they were all eating SO FAST, and I didn’t want to be the last one sitting there. We were outside, and the mosquitoes started to bite. I rushed the food, and the food, especially the veggies, got stuck. BAD. I had to get up to barf twice, and I felt so bad because I didn’t want them to think that it was because of the food! It was because of me, eating too fast, being an idiot. UGH.  I was so tired at that point I don’t think I really cared.

Food yesterday:

8 a.m.: Honey Bunches of Oats (100) plus skim milk (in my bowl and in a glass over ice) (150)
10 a.m.: Almonds (45), diet Pepsi, Dayquil (100)
Noon: Select Harvest Soup (160)
2 p.m.: Almonds (45)
3 p.m.: Crackers (60) with some peanut butter (120)
6:30 p.m.: 2 oz sirloin grilled (107) and one dill pickle (5) and some cauliflower and broccoli that I barfed up (0) and like three french fries that I partially-barfed up (40), half a glass of wine (60 who knows how much got barfed)
8 p.m.: Mr. Goodbar (120)
Total Calories: 1112 holy moses!

Of all that food, the thing that pisses me off the most is the diet pepsi.  I shouldn’t have touched it at all.  I was 300 calories over budget.  Yowza.

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  • shane g.

    Well I don’t think you can beat yourself up over 300 calories. You have been sick and likely have used an exess in getting well, so it may be a push. I sure understand when you feel crappy over having to say no to someone who needs help for real. But in your situation, he was not being reasonable in asking you to do it in two days either, so again, a push.

    Get better soon! If you don’t feel too cruddy, maybe just make yourself get smoe exercise in and see if that may do the trick.

  • Jacquie

    Hi Christine. I have been following your blog and have to say, you rock! You look great and must feel like a million bucks!

    question for you: You said that todays calories were 300 over…do you normally really stick to 800 a day? I’ve been fluctuating between 1000 – 1200 and was afraid to go lower thinking my body would think I am starving it! You have done fantastic so I’m wondering if I should lower mine some.

  • http://www.phoenixrevolution.net Christine

    Hi Jacquie! Thank you for visiting and for the lovely compliments! As for your question about your calories — First of all, yes, I do normally stick to 800 calories a day. And, without knowing your body makeup, genetics, etc., I don’t think it’s possible for me to fairly say, “you should lower your calories” or not! I firmly believe that each individual person has their “calorie setpoint,” or, rather, the amount of calories needed to maintain (or loose) body weight. So I guess my question for you is this: Are you losing weight on 1000-1200 calories a day? If you are, great! Then keep going at that rate. If you’re maintaining your weight and not losing, then consider dropping your calories by 1000 (and/or evaluate the types of food that you are consuming). I personally wouldn’t worry too much about your body thinking that it is in “starvation mode” unless you have a BMI of 18 or lower or have health-related issues (such as low blood pressure) that might be impacted by a low-calorie diet. In fact, most scientific research has shown that lowering you calories by 16% has huge life benefits, including living longer, lowering your risk for cancer, lowering your risk for heart disease, and so much more. I’m not a doctor or anything, so of course consult with your doctor, but my own experience and research shows that an average person may benefit a lot from lowering calories a little bit. Give it a whirl and see how you do! If you DO decide to lower your calories, make very sure that you’re consuming a lot of protein and veggies and very few carbs, since the carbs will just make you ravenously hungry!

  • Lesia

    Glad you are feeling a little bit better from your cold. Sorry about the BBQ. Hey question? My eyes are really bad due the my MS. Is it too much to ask if you made you text a large font size? I know I am a pest. I love your blog just having a hard time seeing the words. Thanks.

  • http://www.heathersbandedjourney.com Heather

    I would just blame the overage on the dayquil and call it a day. Of course, I think that I would have forgotten to count the dayquil anyway!

  • http://www.heathersbandedjourney.com Heather

    I was thinking the same thing when I read your blog for the first time today. Actually Christine, I thought that I was following you and discovered today that I wasn’t even though you always leave such nice comments on mine. Anyway back to my point, I have been keeping calories at about 1100 and weight loss for me has plateaued. I definately will try to lower that again. I guess I never really thought about it that much! Thanks again!

  • Jacquie

    I am current losing bu VERY slowly. I will take what you said into consideration and reduce my calorie intake in increments of 100 and go from there. Thank you for your advice!

  • Freckleonthenose

    Glad you’re feeling better! Pass the get well vibes my way, will ya? :)

  • Patrick

    Saying NO is hard to do. I have trouble saying NO too.

    Glad to hear you are feeling better, don’t worry about the missed exercise; you’ll get back to it when over this bug. Butif you can get a fresh air run in,or even just a walk; fresh air is great medicine.

    Did you drink the diet Pepsi to dull the lack of yum of the Dayquil? I chase liquid meds with soda too, have to in my book.

    Your Grandma liking KISS, that’s a good grandma :-)